Disjointed Intelligence

I don’t usually watch TV and I never watch this show, but someone emailed me this clip. This man definitely has talent:

When I got to work today people were in a bad mood. I started telling the dumbest jokes I could think of, and I have to admit, the others had some pretty dumb ones too. BUT it put a smile on all of our faces. Here’s what I got:

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if they had four they’d be a sedan.

Q. Where does dragon milk come from?
A. Short cows.

Q.Where does a general keep his armies?
A. Up his sleevies.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel that looks like it’s attached to his belt. The bar tender says, “What’s up with the steering wheel?”
The pirate replies, “Arrghh… it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

A man walked into his doctors office wearing only plastic wrap. The doctor took one look at him and said, “I can clearly see your nuts.”

George Washington, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a ship when it starts to sink.
George Washington yells, “Save the women!”
George W. Bush yells, “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton says, “Do we have time?”

Got any more? I sure could use them on days like this.

Politely so professional
Digressing to political
Somewhat diabolical
Always analytical
And most of all illogical
Can’t grasp the metaphysical
Born & bred, died in the wool
Don’t take me for a motley fool
Livin’ live has been my school
Bothersome they just persist
Make me wanna slit my wrist
Demand it with an iron fist
Don’t think now, you must enlist
Sorry doesn’t make my list
Even if you think I’ve dis’d
Somday you might get the jist
Of something that you may have missed

Is it me or is it you?
Old and new and different too
Someone once said I looked like you
But I’m not the girl that I once knew
Let me be me
And you be you
Let three be three
And two be two
This is now, not yesterday
This is how the masters play
One step forward, two steps back
Yet nothing lands you in the past