Digging Down
May 11th, 2007
I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks. When I think, it’s deep. I don’t flit along the surface of things, but I try to dig down to the core. Once I reach the core, I can grasp my reality firmly and work from there. If the core is bad, the fruit is bad. So, I work from the core out once I’ve reached it.
Lately, I’ve been coasting through life. I’m like a puck on an air hockey table being pushed to and fro until somebody scores. Through my thoughtful digging, I’ve realized that I need to take control of my life. Time doesn’t stop and neither should I stop progressing. To go even deeper than that, I’m trying to learn why I just stopped, why I haven’t moved further, why I’m not where I once envisioned I would be at this point in my life.
I know I’m a good person. I know I have values, but at this point in time, I lack direction. I’ve learned a lot about myself over these past few weeks as I’ve re-evaluated my life and the direction it’s taking.
I don’t want my life to take a direction. I want to direct my life.
I’m very emotional, I’m very sick, I’m very tired. I find myself overwhelmed. I’d like to blame others for my imperfections, I’d like to say they’re not mine. But there’s something liberating about taking ownership.
I’ve been crying for days and I just couldn’t figure out why. Today as I write, I realize that I’ve had a lot to deal with. Learning about and finding things that I’ve ignored and buried deep has hit me hard. My tendency to be overcritical has magnified my imperfections. I just wanted to give up. There were many times in the past few days when I’ve thought that physically hurting myself to the point of incapacity would be better than dealing with the emotions and problems I’ve found in this quest. Those were fleeting thoughts, I know I’m smarter, and worth more than that.
Writing is my way of dealing, learning and growing. I found seven specific things that have held me back. Seven things that I have control of. Seven things that I can change. These things are very personal to me, and I hesitate to share them with the world. As I learn to deal with each of these issues, I may feel more comfortable sharing my experiences.
I will share now that the digging has been worthwhile. “The answers can be found from digging down.” While it’s fun to look forward and plan, no one will get far if they don’t deal with the issues that are holding them back. As Jack says, “You keep adding stones soon the water will be lost in the well.” I’m digging to find the water of my life. It’s there and I think I’ve hit a spring.
Listen to the song at the beginning of my post. It accurately describes a lot of my discoveries.
Lately, I’ve been coasting through life. I’m like a puck on an air hockey table being pushed to and fro until somebody scores. Through my thoughtful digging, I’ve realized that I need to take control of my life. Time doesn’t stop and neither should I stop progressing. To go even deeper than that, I’m trying to learn why I just stopped, why I haven’t moved further, why I’m not where I once envisioned I would be at this point in my life.
I know I’m a good person. I know I have values, but at this point in time, I lack direction. I’ve learned a lot about myself over these past few weeks as I’ve re-evaluated my life and the direction it’s taking.
I don’t want my life to take a direction. I want to direct my life.
I’m very emotional, I’m very sick, I’m very tired. I find myself overwhelmed. I’d like to blame others for my imperfections, I’d like to say they’re not mine. But there’s something liberating about taking ownership.
I’ve been crying for days and I just couldn’t figure out why. Today as I write, I realize that I’ve had a lot to deal with. Learning about and finding things that I’ve ignored and buried deep has hit me hard. My tendency to be overcritical has magnified my imperfections. I just wanted to give up. There were many times in the past few days when I’ve thought that physically hurting myself to the point of incapacity would be better than dealing with the emotions and problems I’ve found in this quest. Those were fleeting thoughts, I know I’m smarter, and worth more than that.
Writing is my way of dealing, learning and growing. I found seven specific things that have held me back. Seven things that I have control of. Seven things that I can change. These things are very personal to me, and I hesitate to share them with the world. As I learn to deal with each of these issues, I may feel more comfortable sharing my experiences.
I will share now that the digging has been worthwhile. “The answers can be found from digging down.” While it’s fun to look forward and plan, no one will get far if they don’t deal with the issues that are holding them back. As Jack says, “You keep adding stones soon the water will be lost in the well.” I’m digging to find the water of my life. It’s there and I think I’ve hit a spring.
Listen to the song at the beginning of my post. It accurately describes a lot of my discoveries.